I am a microcosm of the greater macrocosm

When I think of the cells in my body, they respire, and consume, and produce waste; depending upon the cell type, I have anywhere from 60 times to thousands of times their life span.  Yet, each red blood cell, during its 256 day life span has very important work to carry out.  It must carry oxygen, transport waste, and manage the vagaries of multiple hemoglobin types in order to get things where they need to go.  Without the assistance of millions of these microscopic cells, my life could not go on. When I think about my life time in the scope of the universe - that is pretty much the biggest and oldest organism that I can recognize, with billions of eons under her belt, my little 100 years is but a brief little tiny spark in the picture. Without me, her Life can not go on either.  However, my most important job, in this weensy, tiny little span of time is to be a role model, to teach and to generate love, peace, self-confidence, inner knowledge, boundaries, and the ability to communicate, openly, with no criticism; equally important is the ability to shield myself from negative energy. By keeping my focus on the tasks at hand, instead of focusing on the source of the negative energy, I am able to diminish the influence, to set up a psychic shield to enable my success. By knowing, in my heart, my soul, my mind, that I have treated all fairly and with honor, only then can each of my filters radiate Love and filter with Love first.  Living a life of honesty and truthfulness.  Only when I have touched the lives of millions of people on Mother Earth, with Peace and Love, will I have accomplished one of my goals in this amazing lifetime.  Ire oooooo Ayodele

The Initiation - The Day I Became Apetebi

He was a very kind and gentle soul, the day we met in the parking lot of Border's Books.  A rotund, older gentleman, with a kind smile and wearing LOTS of beads.  The one's I recognized were the green and brown eleke of Ifa.

{Olufela Solawande 1902-1987, and Aururela John Turpin  state quite avidly that, wearing a lot of eleke, and calling one's self pompous names does not a Babalawo make.} 

After sharing stories, and seeing each others beads, the Baba and my husband, Hakim, realize that each was interested in Ifa; soon the matter arose that there was to be an initiation of some boys from Chicago, right here in Phoenix.  But it seems they were "one person short" of the required number of participants, so Hakim was invited to participate as an initiate by this "Baba" from the aforementioned parking lot.The night before the initiation, Hakim asked merindinlogun about the initiation, the unequivocal response, in his own interpretation was "no". He ignored the oracle. 

Shortly after arriving at the home where the initiation was to take place, I was introduced to the Iyanifa who was to "oversee" the initiation.  I'm thinking that an Iyanifa who is about to endure a three-day event which will require most of her internal energies, should be in meditation or repose. No, this Iyanifa is in the middle of a big argument with one of the initiates from Chicago, regarding some matter of history! This little tirade was consuming a huge amount of the group energy as the time and attention spent in keeping the two apart was significant.  Her behavior was so erratic, before the end of the weekend, this Iyanifa would be on my last nerve as well.  One of the attributes that is required to make spiritual progress is the ability to observe boundaries, and the ability to set boundaries within one's self. 

One of the most important elements to divination is the ability to depend upon one's own instinct, intuition, common sense, and Extrasensory Perception.  If I already REALLY know the answer to the question, I should not be divining about it.  Like, If I have to go Pee, am I going to ask the four cowries "Can I go Pee?" Not likely.  Every time I observed Iyanifa Fajoke, she was bent over those cowries like they were going to expel gold any moment. 

I actually initially respected the Baba from Mexico who came to conduct the initiation.  He spoke Yoruba like he had heard it before, and could go on for hours reading verses of Ifa in Yoruba.  We learned some call and response types of oriki - those would be songs.  He spoke a lot about taking control of one's own life by altering the way one thinks about things.  He talked about being able to manifest anything that one wants; a test of the system really did work - within 6 months I was the proud mortgagee of a rather elderly home on a beautiful golf course.  I visualized a home with a water feature in the back yard, I got a home with access to a golf course with a nearby lake!

I learned how curses work.  There was a rumor, called to the Baba from Phoenix who was hosting the initiation.  Someone told him that the Ile in Chicago was throwing hexes at this initiation and that these women were very Pissed off with him.   He proceeded to whine, cry and carry-on about those women in Chicago, until I was quite frankly sick and tired of hearing about them.  He was so preoccupied with his focus on those women in Chicago, that he left the stacks of trays containing the herbs and medicines out in the yard over night..The first in over 100 very arid nights, that it finally RAINED!  He caused his own curse to work against himself.  If he would have shut up, and focused on his present responsibilities, the herbs would have never been left outside over night. 

The sacrificial meal was prepared, which took many people most of the night and part of the next day.  When it was time to serve the sacred meal, this Baba from Mexico took off in someone's car and went to eat at McDonalds! How Rude!

What I most disliked about all three of them were their manners. Pompous and rather arrogant.  Treating me like I was their servant girl, and not even kind enough to know my name, after three solid sun ups to sun downs together.  Kind of like several of the Babas who I have met in California, "Mr. 'You can find the answer to your question on my web site'".

I don't wish to detract from the knowledge of Ifa that is held by this Baba from Mexico, he has written many books on the practice of divination based on his learning from Ode Remo Nigeria.

{Baba Turpin cautions me to choose with care who I listen to}

So at the end of the three day ceremonies, readings, oriki, and ritual, all of the initiates had brand new, pretty ikin, and a beautifully carved divining tray, and a bunch of new beads, and big, long, flowing pompous names.

{Baba Turpin says that is not what it is all about.}

Oh, and the money, it's not about the money either.  This practice of charging upwards of thousands dollars for an initiation in the United States by a self-purported Babalawo, who then leaves behind minions of Ifa Orphans, with no where to learn, and no one to teach them.  Young men are initiated with not such as a clue about the Odu or the Ese that go along with it.  I believe that if a Babalawo agrees to the responsibility of initiating an Awo into tefa, they are responsible for teaching them also.  Not just taking their money and giving them trinkets, beads and long flowing names, so they think that their money was worth it.  They still don't have any real knowledge of Ifa, or connection to the spirit through Ifa, and no one to learn from. 

In the diaspora, I have met two, maybe three honest to goodness, learned, sage and wise Babalawos - Baba Turpin and another Baba I met in California, who taught me about Otura and Irete, and about astrology, and the importance of having a current passport! Oluwo I - another amazing wise, kind and learned Man, I think he is in Texas. His wisdom is deep and freely shared. I know that there are other good and wise Babalawos, and Iyanifas  in the diaspora.  They are coming together.  The wisdom and the knowledge are free, the room and board and necessary costs must be compensated - the learning requires many years - the commitment, a lifetime.  The Priest who initiates is held accountable for the development of the student. No Initiation should take place outside of these circumstances.

There is good and bad in every system, every group, organization, political party, religion.  Sometimes it seems that the evil ones who a fakers, are the very ones who people are flocking to give their money to.  Can Love and goodness possibly overcome these who would use the teachings to line their own pockets?  Can the shift of resources occur toward the expression of the Love, Mercy and the Compassionate teachings of the humble and knowledgeable spiritual leaders?

Superior Court

In March of this year I began to pursue procuring an annulment - turns out he was still married to a woman in Portland, OR.  Funny thing is, we met about 1999-2000; thought we would grow old together, thought this was the real thing, I know I loved and honored him with all of my heart.  He had a few quirks, but then don't we all. We settled down in Phoenix, endured the hot summers which make cuddling totally impossible, and loved the winters when we could sit out back in November, in shorts and a t-shirt, and grill up some veggies on the Barbie.  On May 11, 2006 we Married - no big deal, went to the Justice of the Peace in Surprise, and in front of a handful of friends, we exchanged vows. 

According to the documents I found in the file cabinet after he left, he received his divorce decree from his wife in Portland, Or on May 11, 2009.  He had sworn to me that his divorce was already final before I agreed to marry him - I trusted his word, didn't demand to see any paperwork - I TRUSTED him.

Lack of integrity is a concern that I take very seriously.  My life is about truth, honesty and Sincerity.  Kindness, gratefulness and generosity are words that frequently cross my lips and my mind.  I believe that two adult people can have a primary committed relationship without smothering each other.  It is about being honest with each other, and non-judgmental.  It is about being open minded, and realizing that three committed working people are going to be a lot more productive than two committed working people.  There is usually someone available to cuddle, or to talk with - as long as all three, or four people are compatible and willing to work together to work out the kinks in an adult, logical and loving way.  He was the creative sort, a musician, and a very good one at that.  Women would be hanging all over the edges of the stage, practically throwing their panties at him after a gig.  He knew that he could bring any one of them home, and we would play.  Of course, many of the women would get all put out and demand to be "The Number One Woman" and "I just CAN'T Share!"  The society in American culture - especially the right-wing, religious society has women so messed up in the head that most American Women would never tolerate an open relationship, or a poly-amorous relationship.  They just don't know what they are missing. 

It was his continued addiction to the BDSM lifestyle that really began to tear us apart.  OK, I have to admit I did my share of BDSM Scenes as the Domme - I loved dressing up and scenes were intense but safe. Many of our social friends and social functions revolved around the lifestyle.

Last year when he went to visit his Teacher in San Fransisco, Baba said "BDSM is not a lifestyle that is compatible with the teachings."  He was actually referring to another Baba that he knows and did not even know that his student, my husband was so firmly entrenched in the lifestyle.  I took his words to heart - I told my husband that I was finished playing, that if he knew what was good for him he would, as well, heed Baba's words.  He wasn't hearing any of it.  Our social life began to deteriorate, and our social functions became further and fewer between.  He blamed it on me.

He began traveling to San Diego under the guise of going to play his trumpet with his friend, but in reality, he was establishing a relationship with a "submissive", married woman from Los Angeles.  Her husband was well off, she drove and Escalade, and she "Loved Him"! In early December 2009, he came back from a trip to San Diego, and announced that he was moving to California for good, but that when he could afford it, he would come back to Phoenix to visit. 

On December 17th, I got proof that he was planning to move in with the woman in CA.  I told him he had to leave and could not come back, or call, or contact me in any way.  He has been good to his word.  I have not heard a single peep from him since that day.  Not an email, not a phone call, not a word.  Of course, this has made getting the annulment much  more difficult. 

The process of filing for a annulment without the presence of the other party requires long waiting periods in case the other party finally decides to show up.  I have been consistently working on it since March 2010.  The process has taken more than 120 days by its very own design; after 120 days, the court dismisses the case because a court date has not yet been set. They claim that the case is not progressing, even though they could take a look at the case file and see that there has been constant communication, and prompt filing of forms in the correct time frames.  The government bureaucracy in the Arizona Court system SUCKS!

I am pretty sure I am better off without him; many of my girlfriends let me know, after he was gone, that they thought he was too controlling.  I guess I was in the middle of it and just couldn't see it objectively. I miss him, but my aim is improving!

The Earrings

We used to play.  We were both open minded and threesomes were not an uncommon occurrence. We were open minded and in one rather erotic session, a pair of earrings was used on the nether region of the male participant.  They were the most gaudy, ugly, clip on earrings I'd ever seen; they did serve their purpose though. We had fun.  We talked about growing old together, about how important this relationship was in our lives.  That was before the sudden storm, he was out the door in four hours.  haven't heard from him since. I served the annulment papers in Superior court, and that has taken a whole passle of money, and a bunch of my time, and more than a few headaches.
After he was gone so abruptly, I packed up the remainder of his belongings and took them over to his Sister's House. 
She is a very wonderful woman, Props D, for taking a 61 year old mans stuff when he doesn't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of.  In this box of "left-behinds" was this pair of earrings that had been used in previously mentioned sessions.  This gaudy, ugly pair of clip on earrings, gold colored rims with this humongous fake pearl in the center.
He has been out of touch now for going on eight months.  The opposite of Love is not Hate, the opposite of Love is total indifference.  How does one become totally indifferent after being with another person, a mostly really good person, for more than ten years. I am becoming indifferent.
 
His grand daughter was asking for him during her  recent visit.  Iyame, where is Papa? Is Papa gone?Can I see him?  My daughter contacted him and let him know that his grand daughter was asking about him.  She loves him more than life itself - He will always be her Papa, no matter how indifferent he is. 

So instead, we took the Grand baby to go see her "Grandma" - She is actually the Great-Grandma - but the child has not yet that concept, suffice with "grandma".  his Mom, She is 80 years old, made of pure grit, independent, a volunteer in her community, and sharp as a tack.  She and her Grand Baby have spent time together every six months since the birth.  They Love each other. 

Mom is also all about giving gifts; ever child who visits her home goes away with a bag full of coloring books, puzzles, crayons and the like.  She is amazing - she finds age appropriate toys for each and every one of her grandchildren, and great grand children, and not just one or two, sometimes a whole basket full.  So my Grand Baby receives her gift of toys, and proceeds to keep herself busy for the next hour, putting a puzzle together, drawing and coloring.  It is phenomenal what four year olds know these days.

On the next day, Daughter and I go out to dinner,  I look across the table, and low and behold, hanging from the lobes of her ears...those gaudy, ugly, gold-colored with a big ol' fake pearl in the center, clip-on earrings.

I figure that he got the boxes from his Sister's house, went through his things, and tried to pawn them off to his Mother as some sort of magnificent "Gift". She thought they were as hideous as I do, so she pawned them off to her Great Grand Daughter in the bag of toys. I have them back now, not sure what to do with them, finding it kind of hilarious that they found their way back here.